my name is Finn. You can find me on YouTube at Finn Barbell.

I've been an online fitness coach for about the last eight months. Before that I was doing personal training for a year. And before that, I was coming out of, um, I was coming out of college, went into a career in financial advising and just wasn't panning out the way I wanted to, because number one, I had some self confidence issues at the time.

And number two, I was falling back into some drug habits that I had, uh, initially started when I was in college. and that's kind of where my, story really starts, is I've always been into fitness. I've always been into self development. And when I got into college, you know, I grew up in a type of environment where, um, my brother died at a very young age.

So my parents were always super strict. As far as what they allowed us to do and I never really got the chance to have any fun So when I got to college, I was like fuck it. I'm gonna let loose and I let too loose and Really found myself in a rut where I was waking up my senior year. I was selling cocaine Xanax Probably copping like a thousand pills a week waking up with a line of cocaine And continuing the day with a couple of adderalls and then finishing the day off with a couple Xanax and it was really rough.

I got to the point where, um, I was checking out the windows paranoid because I thought the cops were after me. Uh, just absolute paranoia and that was going on for months. And it got to the point where I overdosed. Uh, mixed, uh, a fake perc with some other substances and ended up in the ER. And kind of at that time I was also self isolating because it was during the COVID shutdown.

And, uh, just I was having so much mental health issues, nobody wanted to be around me anyways. So, luckily that night I actually went to a party and... At the time, I was literally going to parties and I wouldn't talk to anybody, but this particular night I just happened to run across one of my friends.

and he basically looked out for me and You know walk me back to my apartment everything was cool, but then I started turning purple and The next thing I know I'm waking up with a catheter on my dick in the hospital and my parents there And that was one of the most demeaning fucking experiences ever.

But after that, I was so fucked up. I went straight back to the Xanax. As soon as I got out, you know, I had this, I had a whole fucking shipment on me. So, fuck it. You know, this is my last two weeks of senior year. Might as well live it up the last two weeks and then I'll quit cold turkey afterwards. And, you know, basically, I didn't overdose again after that, but...

It was really bad. And then I quit cold turkey coming out of college, uh, went into like a really bad mental state. And then, um, yeah, I mean, then it was like do or die. I mean, I had saved up this money that I, that I made a drug dealing in college and never had the best relationship with my parents.

They gave me a deadline.Hey, get out of the house by August 1st. And I came home in June. And so I was like, Okay, I got to figure something out. So I took the first fucking job that came to me that job was Entirely commission based made one commission the whole time because it was basically Calling people friends and family and trying to get them to invest their money with a 22 year old fresh out of college Who's still coming off drug issues and has low self confidence?

That didn't work out Um, went and got another job, uh, same industry, this job, they offered me a, um, salary, but the salary was 14 an hour. And for me, that was better than nothing because they told me, Hey, we're going to pay you this 14 an hour salary until we get to the point where we're comfortable giving you clients.

Um, and then at that point, you're going to make commissions. So I was like, cool. I'll move out of my parents house, uh, live off this drug money, and then, you know, I'm making 14 an hour, but I was still spending my money like a retard. I was still going out to the club every night, I was still, uh, fucking doing Xanax, and it got to the point where my job basically, they had me doing grunt work.

Like, they kind of wanted to put you in your fucking place, because they're getting a lot of college kids. Uh, who are fresh out of college, who think they know something, like myself, and don't really know shit. And so, you know, they had me, I remember the last two months, I was literally, eight hours a day, every single day, sitting in front of a computer, or sitting in front of a, um, a scanner, in unstapling papers, sending them through the scanner, and then I would go and eat lunch, and then get back to it for another four hours, for two months.

And at that point, I was falling back into my Zan habits. I'm blowing through all my money. And it came to a point where I told them, you know, I'm not going to be able to support myself like this anymore. So, I either need, um, I need to go part time and get another job, or I'm not going to be able to work here.

And they told me, you know, get out, basically. They were helping me pack my stuff up that same day. They didn't want me there anyways. Um... So, that's kind of where this all started, that's when I decided, I hit a breaking point where I was like, this is so fucked, because I'm like, you know, I thought I overcame everything when I quit, when I came out of college and went through that whole overdose experience.

I thought like, you know, now real life starts, but that was not where real life starts, because then I got to the point where my bank account was almost completely run dry. And then, it was do or die, like, I had to find a job. Went and found a personal trainer job. Luckily, I was able to secure that quick and just work my ass off there.

I was there every single day, 6am to 8 at night, 7 days a week. Cause I had nothing else to do and I needed the money. And I did that for about 8 months straight. And then it got to the point where it was like, Okay, this is not sustainable anymore. So I need that. I want to stay with fitness. I'll find my calling.

Um, I found my calling with the YouTube, but I need to turn this into something else. And that's when I started online coaching. So that's kind of what brought me here to where I am today. Um, a lot of, a lot of negative experiences, uh, but also a lot of positive experiences. And I feel like that's. A big part of the reason I'm into the self development stuff, obviously it kind of started with fitness, but even though I'm a fitness coach, it's much more than that.

Fitness is just the way that I help men build their discipline and become greater versions of themselves. Yeah, fitness is the real gateway drug to real self development. I mean. Yeah. You have to go in there and lift the weights and do the routines and you're the one that has to do it and you're the one that has to motivate you.

And it's, that's like part of the process, right? Is just getting yourself to do the thing. You know, we share a pretty similar story actually. Um, not as extreme drug use, but you know, kind of growing up and having a real rough time. It almost seems like perpetually no one really wants us anywhere. We're just sort of like a burden to the world.

So we have to create problems for ourself and then we come become like addicted to the problems we create and stuff like that I mean I was The majority of my early 20s homeless broke Kind of on the street just sort of you know doing that whole lifestyle and it was pretty rough man But now the more I look at it It's so beneficial to have those experiences, and I always look at people who don't have those experiences, like kind of what's wrong with you?

I mean, I'm not necessarily in that situation now. I mean, I'm in a pretty good spot, but I'll be walking on the street getting a coffee or whatever, like, oh, that bush over there, that could be like a good hideout if I ever, like, if ever shit goes wrong, I could sleep there for a night, or that dumpster, I know that that dumpster always has food.

Like, even if I'm not in that position now, I still have that sort of street dog mentality, because I think you have to. And that's what your recent kind of video that you posted today was about. Which was, you have to keep the flames and the embers of your life going. And most people, like, their flame just bloop.

You put a little water on it, their motivation just dies out. But when you go through that struggle, you just have to, like, you realize what the flame is within you. And that really, if you don't let it go out, it never really will go out. So that was pretty inspirational, man. You're an inspiration to me because again, like I said, we have a lot of similar experiences and that's why I'm having you on man.

So where do you think all this is going to go for you? Like you said, you want to, you want to go beyond the fitness and more into the self development. What is like our, let's say to reach 10, 000 subscribers, then 25, 50, 000. What's the evolution of your content going to be like at that stage? Where do you want to go?

Yeah, that's tough to say. I think, um, a good model of a person I kind of am inspired by is Wes Watson. I don't know if you've heard of him. I'd recognize him if I'd seen him. He's like, uh, this big Jack dude. Um, but he's a fitness coach as well. But his big thing is he was in prison, uh, Cali state prison for 10 years.

And he just came up on the scene talking about his crazy prison stories. And then he turned that into like a platform for him to, you know, basically inspire people to make positive change in their life. And, uh, that type of thing. So I don't know exactly where I'm going to take it. But I think that's kind of the direction I'm going.

Maybe like a bootcamp, man. You could have a bootcamp. I'd go to it. Yeah. Cause I think the biggest thing, you know, when I'm, when I was kind of growing up, I was kind of throwing myself against the wall as well. Just. It's like I'd have a problem, but then I'd have to make the problem ten times bigger to make it so that I'm the problem, to show everyone else that I'm the problem, kind of thing.

And that was like my whole experience. And so I think, like, what I never got was a rites of passage, you know, like, uh, All right, you're transferred now from a teenager to, like, an adult male. I never really got that. And I think that what the fitness industry is essentially trying to do is to invoke that type of archetypical You know sort of building up of yourself, but it doesn't really have the ritual of all right You're officially a man now, and I think that so many young men in particular don't ever get that experience I never got it and so if you had a boot camp where you just kind of like yelling at her face and Do more push ups do more this just kind of beating up on us.

I think that'd actually be very beneficial It's what It's what people need. I mean, males these days need a role model that they want to follow and they trust and Has been where they want to go and there's something to Where we have to kind of throw ourself into the fire to grow and if you have if you never have done that You're not gonna be anything in the world, you know Yeah And I think that's that like you said a lot of men need an archetype and I feel like that's a big part of the reason why this This self development space is growing up, especially like the masculinity side of it where it ties into like the red pill.

I think that's a big part of the reason why that's blowing up right now. It's because guys like, just don't have that strong male figure in their life and they never had a right of passage like you said. Yeah, I mean, the red pill community is, is definitely beneficial. I mean, there's all this like, kind of torn between it's, it's bad, it's, you know, misogynistic, it's all this crazy stuff, man, but I think we're witnessing like the split of female education and male education and how they're so radically different Like I I'm kind of surrounded by like a lot of different females that are spiritual and have the sort of you know Higher dimensional view of life, but man, I keep returning back to how men around me They're they're just like real and that's almost the highest form of Spirituality for us.

It's like don't tell yourself a lie except where you are completely And you'll find that that's how you get to your spiritual destiny. Yeah, I kind of hate that spirituality shit. Yeah. You have to say that you're spiritual, you're not spiritual. Yeah, you put mostly spiritual people in a situation that's bad, and they're like, Alright, where's my god, or I need my crystals, or whatever the fuck.

You know, they always need something external. Whereas, if you build yourself internally so much that you don't need a ritual, a practice in a way, That is how you kind of get that. Exactly. So yeah, man, anyways, I like your content. Um, like I said, it kind of seems like it's, it's getting increasingly more and more deep and the views are also going down and the interaction.

And I think that's exactly kind of the epitome of how this is all going. It's like the more real you become in the world, it's like no one cares about you. The more real I am, less and less people notice. Um, it's such a paradox, man. What do you think about that? It's tough, man. I mean, I definitely feel that.

But sometimes, like, I've been getting deep lately. And not even because I'm necessarily trying to be more deep. But just because I'm going through changes myself. Like you were talking about with, you know, being homeless. Like, a month ago, less than a month ago, I sold my car off a couple weeks ago. Like two weeks ago.

And before that, I was at a point where I was down to the last 1, 000 in my bank account. One credit card maxed out, the other one, 5, 000 on it. So I was like, okay, I'm going to get through this last 1, 000 and I'm going to be sleeping in my car. So it kind of just, when you have your back against the wall like that, it kind of changes your whole frame of mind.

And I think that's part of the reason my content has been evolving. And I was just, you know, that's just the natural progression. But at the same time, like, I try and keep it easily digestible because I think the people that I'm trying to win over are not necessarily all the way there. They haven't, like, crossed that bridge of, uh, I hate to say it, but getting into the spirituality.

Uh, They're more so, you know, it's guys that are looking to get more women and, you know, how to improve themselves, become more masculine. But really, you know, it's just about becoming a greater version of yourself. So I try and keep it digestible. And I try and like, I don't know, it's tough to say, do you get what I'm saying?

Yeah, that's the problem with the Red Pill content is that Everything that they say is true and real and it's like they're creating a, like a blueprint for how the world is working, but you assume that the more information that you get it will somehow help you and like here's all the strategies that you need to talk to women and here's how you need to come across and you know make your frame a certain way, but if you don't pursue that education and you just become the person itself then it's like all that stuff is rendered useless and you don't really need the education.

And so I think what you're teaching is like, kind of an anti pattern to the red pill where you address it. It's like, okay, it's cool that you get this information, but if you just become a better person, that's what the women want. But it's not really about the women cause you know, like why are you living your life for that anyways?

Like you should live for you and, and that's, that's the future of where this has to go. And so I respect that. Yeah. I think the red pill guys talk about purpose. But then they always go back to, I mean like, that, that's how I got started with my YouTube is watching the Redbill content. Like I, I'm a big fan of um, Steph is Cold, his content.

I don't know if you've ever heard of him. But that's, that's what inspired me to get started with my YouTube. And if you go watch some of his older videos, like, that, those shits, when I was in that basement popping Xanax every night, that shit would bring me to tears. You know, one of the reasons why I'm still alive and didn't let it go too far.

So, like, I got, I got big respect for those guys, but also they talk about purpose, but then they always go back to females. And it's like, you know, why are you living anyways if the whole thing is about females? And I get it. That's what gets the views. But I feel like you got a real people in that way, but then not make it all about that because it's not all about that.

Yeah, like you do have to kind of trick your audience, you know, get a flashy thumbnail. Here's like a picture of like a chick and, you know, you're going to get this one if you do the right thing or whatever. And all that kind of stuff is like super abusive to my nervous system, like I'll watch like a Thumbnail or something and it will be like some dude making a crazy face with like yellow letters And all this like sort of stuff and I think we need to evolve the content to be just more real Like what do we have to like trick you to like watch my video and if I have to trick you to watch my video Get fucked.

You know what? You're not supposed to watch my video Because it sort of plays upon that stuff man. I mean It's like we're trying to say deep things, but we still are at operating under like surface level conditions. It's weird, man. Yeah. I mean, it's tough because I'm caught in between just being like you and not giving a fuck and being like, okay, I don't want to do this catchy thumbnail and making the topic about something.

But at the same time, I also think like, if I can make. That catchy thumbnail and make this topic about women, even though it really has nothing to do with getting more women and I can build a bigger audience doing that, then I can make more money, invest that more into this channel so that I have a bigger audience and then I can kind of turn it in more of the direction that I want it to go.

So like I'm caught in between just not giving a fuck. And just playing the game and I think that's kind of the point I am with my content right now. We're like, I don't really know what to do Yeah, just figuring it out. You know, we're kind of at the same spot here I'll feature some people that are totally random and hey, we're having a conversation and I'll do a video of myself We'll do different talks.

I mean Content right now is really cool. I mean you can just post whatever you want and people can just vibe with it So it can evolve, you know

I think it's all happening for a reason, I mean, people are always talking about how we're in like the worst timeline ever, things are going bad, the Illuminati, there's no chance, don't even try to evolve, because, you know, we're all fucked, and by 2030, XYZ, that stuff doesn't even feel true, I mean, people look for more and more justifications not to be who they want to be.

And this world is almost giving you more and more convincing narratives to attach your mind to, to be like, yeah, I really can't be what I want to be because X, Y, Z thing now. And you just have to break through all of that, you know, just be who you want to be, and build yourself, design your reality, and, you know, just do that.

So, you're definitely a reality designer, I can tell that, man. I mean, when you go through hard times like that, it It builds you into the person that later on you'll admire. How old are you? You're 25? 24. 24? Yeah. So I'm a little I'm four years older than you and when I was 24 I was basically batshit crazy too.

Just like, always on some on some shit, you know? And you you get over it, man. And it just you grow out of it and it works out. You look back at those times like, oh man, like, Oh, that was crazy and I'm I'm super happy I went through that.